The Borderline Experience: Oops, I Did That Again

/ Sara Weand, LPC/

The Borderline Experience: Oops, I did That Again.

Symptoms of BPD: Impulsivity

Your moods are intense.

In fact, you feel your emotions so much more than most people. You wonder why do negative feelings hurt so badly and why don’t other people seem to get so affected by them the way you do? You just don’t get it.

When you feel emotional pain, it literally hurts.

The pain you feel when your partner called you a bitch in the heat of the moment. The pain of being dismissed by your bestie when you needed her the most. The pain of being excluded even though everyone knew you wanted to go.

Your relationships bring pain.

The emotional pain. It brings out the worst in you.

Pain. Anger. Hurt. Rejection. Abandoned. Dismissed.

When you’re under emotional distress, you can’t think straight. It takes over like an emotional weedwhacker; an emotional tornado. You become reactive.

All you can think about is not feeling that way. You want relief from the emotional pain. You’ll do anything to just make those feelings go away. You’ll do anything to feel better; to find relief from the pain.

You want relief from the emotional pain you feel and you want it now.

You try to tell yourself to not feel this way; to not feel so bad. You scold yourself for feeling so miserable. You try to guilt and shame yourself for feeling angry; for feeling sad, hurt, rejected, and alone.

But, shaming yourself for your feelings doesn’t work. It doesn’t help you and it only makes things worse. The emotional pain overwhelms you; it consumes you.

You lose control.

This isn’t the first time you lost control. This isn’t the first time you did something you later regretted.

Maybe it was when you cut yourself with that razor blade. Maybe it was losing your whole paycheck at the racetrack. Maybe it was going home with the random guy while you were on a bender. Maybe it was the hate-filled rant you spewed during your live stream.

Whatever it was, whatever you did, you definitely lost control. You. Lost. It.

You don’t know what happened. What you do know is that you wanted the emotional pain to go away. It hurt so much that you just wanted it to stop.

“Why do I act crazy sometimes?”, you wonder.

It’s a question you’ve asked yourself so many times. You do these crazy things when you’re in so much pain, even though you later regret your behavior. You’re tired of feeling ashamed of your feelings and ashamed of your behavior. You end up pushing people away; the very same people who you desperately don’t want to lose.

Yet, the cycle of “Oops, I did it (that) again” continues. What the hell is going on?

The year 2020 marks the 20th-anniversary release of Britney Spears’ album, “Oops, I Did It Again”.

And… you may be wondering “why on Earth is Sara bringing this up?” Well, not only because holy shit, time flies, and I totally remember being in college when Britney released this album… (but I digress…), but also because both Britney and the album title can help me talk about what goes on when someone with BPD acts out. In other words, why do Borderline’s behave so destructively and impulsively? Why do people with Borderline Personality Disorder sometimes act so crazy?

BPD Symptoms: Example of Impulsive, Extreme & Destructive Behavior

Behavior dysregulation is a hallmark behavior pattern in Borderline Personality Disorder. Dysregulated behavior describes behavior that is impulsive, reckless, destructive, and extreme. In someone with BPD, dysregulated behavior, such as cutting, or any other form of self-destructive behavior, is often in response to emotional pain brought on by relationships.

Now, some of you dear readers may not be old enough to remember when the “Oops, I Did It Again” album came out, but I’d be willing to bet that everyone knows Britney. Several years after that album came out, the world became witness to her very public meltdown- she shaved her head, destroyed public property, and continued to be reckless over and over and over AGAIN…

The above example is not to suggest that Britney has BPD. I’m not her therapist. What I’m trying to show is how, while under emotional duress, Britney’s behavior was impulsive, erratic, destructive, and extreme. Fortunately for Britney, her album, “Oops, I Did It Again”, celebrated its 20th anniversary, and people were reminded of that awesome album. Unfortunately for Britney, it prompted the memory of her very public breakdown several years after the album’s release.

Consequences of impulsive, extreme behavior in symptoms of BPD

Britney’s self-destructive behavior, despite its negative consequences, can be related to how emotional pain, distress, and suffering, for Borderline individuals can lead to extreme, impulsive, crazy-looking behavior. Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder may, in fact, be able to relate to how Britney continued to demonstrate reckless, dangerous behavior despite consequences (for Britney, she lost autonomy over her finances and there were some child custody issues as well, just to name a few).

Why someone with BPD sometimes acts crazy

No one likes to feel and experience difficult, painful emotions. For someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, experiencing difficult feelings, such as rejection, sadness, anger, or guilt, are on hyper-drive and feel almost impossible to bear. Because of this, Borderline’s could be described as almost “emotion-phobic” in that they will often resort to drastic, extreme measures to NOT have to feel emotional pain, particularly when it’s caused by their relationships.

Difficult, painful emotions become a “problem to solve” for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

When confronted by feelings of intense and powerful emotions, someone with BPD doesn’t know how to cope with them in skillful and healthy ways. Because of this, they will try to “fix” or “solve” the “problem” emotion. A Borderline’s way of solving this dilemma is often to do anything to make the emotion go away; to find relief from their emotional suffering, because it truly hurts that bad. The “anything” is often impulsive, reactive, self-destructive, dangerous behavior.

Why someone with BPD will keep acting crazy

It’s important to remember that difficult, painful, upsetting feelings and emotions are viewed as “problems to be solved” by the person with BPD. The most difficult and challenging aspect of this impulsive, “knee-jerk” reaction to emotional pain, is that despite its negative consequences, what they’re doing is working.

In fact, most Borderline individuals will often report that whatever extreme, impulsive, self-destructive behavior they did, works at getting rid of whatever icky, difficult feeling they’re experiencing, even if just for a short moment.

Oops, I did it (that) again…

Just as the title of Britney’s song, “Oops, I Did It Again” suggests, Borderline individuals often become stuck in the vicious cycle of trying to “fix” their painful emotions, by engaging in self-destructive, damaging, impulsive ways in order to feel better- (AGAIN and AGAIN). Those impulsive urges to make the emotional pain go away are so strong that despite the risk of losing friends, legal problems, strained relationships, medical ramifications, etc, they resort to such extreme behavior to find relief.

Borderline individuals continue to behave this way because their emotional pain feels so intolerable at that moment, that all they can think about is alleviating that unbearable emotional pain, not the potential for future, negative consequences that could impact their lives. Thus, the cycle of “solving painful emotions” with extreme behavior continues (Oops, I did that again…).

Borderline Personality Disorder treatment in Philadelphia, Lebanon, Harrisburg, Lancaster, and York, PA

You don’t want to live this way. You don’t want to push people away. You’re doing the best you can and it’s not working. I get it.

I get that you just want to not feel shitty. I mean, who wouldn’t?

There is hope and a way out of hell. Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help you find the relief you’re so desperate for. DBT saves lives.

Your DBT Therapist in Philadelphia

As a DBT therapist, I provide full, outpatient, Dialectical Behavior Therapy online. You can learn how to cope with emotional pain, without having to engage in behavior you’ll later regret. You can find inner peace and keep the relationships with the people you love the most.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help you create a life worth living.

I provide outpatient DBT therapy in Philadelphia, Lancaster, Harrisburg, York, and Lebanon, PA.

Don’t wait another minute to find the relief you so desperately need.


You don’t have to continue to live a life full of misery. You can get help for your emotional suffering. I offer free, 15-minute, video DBT consultations. Call me today at 717-685-5074 or book your own consultation for DBT therapy and Borderline Personality Disorder treatment.