What This Philadelphia DBT Therapist Learned About Finally Letting Go

DBT: “C” is for Care Bears & Cabbage Patch Kids???

While most people hope that the holidays will bring them joy, this joy often is accompanied by periods of prolonged, increased stress. People get caught up having to do it all and are caught up in constant doing. The deadlines, the to do list, the parties and get together’s, the pressure of being with family even if you don’t want to, the list goes on and on. Even for someone who doesn’t suffer from an anxiety disorder or emotional dysregulation, the holiday season can be enough for anyone’s head to spin.

Despite knowing the craziness that this time of year can cause, I ended up in the same pattern of constant doing and going that typically happens every year. While I truly do enjoy the festive holiday season and spending it with the people I love, I found myself in a familiar pattern of going going going and doing doing doing. This, of course, led to increased stress and exhaustion.

While the holidays can bring great periods of joy, it can be hard to even think straight for someone with anxiety or problems with emotion dysregulation. The pressure to have a picture-perfect holiday can certainly add to the immense stress. As a “perfectionist in recovery,” I know the craziness that this time of year can bring.

For some people, what is meant to be a joyous time, full of holiday celebrations, and time with family, the holidays have instead become synonymous with dreadful stress and moodiness.

While it’s super important to experience all of the emotional toils and tribulations that come with life, the fact is, that it’s not helpful to be miserable all the time.

Getting through the “suck” with DBT

Dialectical Behavior Therapy teaches distress tolerance skills. These are a set of skills geared towards managing the “suck” when you’re stuck in misery; when “now” is not the time to deal with a painful problem; or when you can’t afford to make your problems worse.

I recently noticed that I was feeling particularly “stuck” in the “suck”. I was overwhelmed with the pressure to go, go, go and do, do, do. Things were starting to take their toll on me. I was feeling rather moody and quite frankly, miserable, a lot.

Distress tolerance through DBT ACCEPTS

As a DBT therapist, I help my clients learn how to better manage their emotions and tolerate getting through the suck. If you’re not familiar, DBT “ACCEPTS” is a set of distraction skills, that will help get you through the “suck” without making things worse. If you missed my series on ACCEPTS, you can check them out HERE.

As someone who grew up primarily in the ’80s, I found myself building quite the collection of 80’s toys, that I treasured as a child. Even as I got older, I still found myself holding onto those much-loved Care Bears, Cabbage Patch Kids, and Rainbow Bright. I just couldn’t bring myself to just toss them into a bin somewhere (yes, thank you Toy Story movie). So, I held onto them for years—almost 40 years…

Fast forward to 2022. This year was amazing and at the same time, very rough. As we headed into the holidays, I became aware that I was moody and just, well… bitchy. I needed to find a way to not feel so stressed, overwhelmed by pressure, and quite frankly, act like a jerk. Being in a “bad” mood, in response to the added holiday pressure, while it “makes sense”, acting like a jerk to my family just wouldn't be effective and would probably create more problems for myself in the long run.

DBT contributing: A personal story 

Being aware of how the increased stress was adding to my less than favorable behavior, while at the same time, needing a solution for my old school toys, I discovered an amazing small business, The Tatted Toy Guys. This awesome, local business is a boutique toy store that specializes in retro, vintage toys.

When I arrived at The Tatted Toy Guys store, I was greeted by a beautifully displayed store and a big smile from one of the owners. At that moment, I knew I was making an effective decision. Yes, it was sad to get rid of my beloved stuffed friends, but I had so much positivity knowing I was contributing. I was providing an opportunity for my beloved toys to be loved by someone who would totally appreciate and love them, better than I would now be able to.

Remember, my goals were not to take my stress out on my family and make sure my Care Bears and friends were appreciated. Using the DBT ACCEPTS skills, I was able to effectively deal with both problems.

Did my contribution help me get out of my own head for the afternoon? Yes, it did.

Did contributing help me effectively manage the “suck” for a period of time? Yep, sure did.

Did my contribution make it easier for me to tackle the underlying issues causing my stress because I was able to think more clearly? Yes, yes, it did.

DBT in Philadelphia

If you’re struggling to climb out of your “suck”, Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help. DBT can help you learn how to effectively manage your painful emotions and not make your problems worse. There is no point in suffering all the time. If your emotions feel out of control, your relationships are in the toilet, or you experience debilitating anxiety, DBT can help.

DBT can help you create a life that’s worth living, not just a life of existing.

Philadelphia BPD Treatment & Therapy for Anxiety

As a DBT therapist, I specialize in providing borderline personality disorder treatment and anxiety therapy. My outpatient comprehensive DBT program is available across Pennsylvania. For a free consultation for DBT, click HERE.