Using DBT Even in the Heat of the Moment
Stay Regulated With DBT When Emotions Are on Fire
Summer often brings images of sunshine, relaxation, and carefree days. But what happens when those carefree days don’t feel so carefree?
Imagine being at a pool party with friends, surrounded by laughter and conversation, yet feeling a knot of anxiety in your chest. You start overanalyzing every interaction, questioning whether you’ve said something wrong, or worrying that you don’t belong.
For individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD), summer can bring unique emotional challenges that make it hard to stay grounded. The combination of heightened social pressures, emotional sensitivity, and personal expectations can quickly ignite emotional triggers and leave you feeling overwhelmed.
Managing emotions during this time doesn’t have to feel like a losing battle. By drawing on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) principles and strategies, you can navigate the heat of the moment with greater balance and confidence.
Stay Cool With DBT When Summer Feels Emotionally Scorching.
1. Be Mindful of Emotional Heatwaves and Vulnerabilities
Summer’s unique dynamics can bring out emotional triggers, making it essential to stay mindful of how these feelings arise.
Picture This: You’re at a family barbecue, and someone makes a comment that feels dismissive. The heat is oppressive, and the noise of laughter and conversation feels overwhelming. You begin to notice your thoughts spiraling—“They don’t care about me.” or “I don’t belong here.”
What makes you more vulnerable to experiencing negative emotions?
Vulnerabilities in this context refer to what makes you more prone to experiencing painful, negative emotions. When you are aware of your personal vulnerabilities, you’ll be more prepared to respond more effectively.
Here are a few examples of potential vulnerabilities using the situation above.
> Social gatherings may trigger feelings of comparison, past rejections, or fear of being excluded.
> An existing history of tension with a family member.
> Previous frustrations or irritability from earlier in the day may already be building up.
> You’re physically uncomfortable due to the heat from the hot summer day.
> You’re beyond tired from not getting enough sleep the night before.
The Bottom Line: By recognizing these vulnerabilities ahead of time—whether by managing your expectations or addressing potential triggers—you give yourself the chance to respond thoughtfully. This preparation can be an effective strategy to handle emotional intensity during social gatherings.
2. Cooling Down With Temperature
When you feel like sh*t’s about to hit the fan and you can’t think clearly, the last thing you want to do is make things worse.
Picture This: You’ve been at an outdoor music festival all day with a group of friends. You’ve found the perfect spot and getting situated to watch your fav band. Suddenly, another concert-goer shoves past you, splashing some beer on your shoulder. Your heart starts racing, your body tenses and you clench your teeth, feeling heat spread across your chest. What you want to do is run up to the woman, pour your entire drink over her head, and call her a "bitch.”
How Do You Handle This Without Regretting It Later?
When you feel like things are out of control, and you can’t think straight, cold temperature-based strategies can quickly activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body responsible for calming you down after stress. This system helps counteract the fight-or-flight response, slowing your heart rate and reducing physical symptoms of anxiety or emotional escalation.
Putting this into practice—
Putting this into practice—
> Using Cold: Grab an ice cube or cold drink. Hold it to your face, or hold the ice cube in your hand, squeezing it until it melts. Doing this will activate your dive reflect, and jump start your parasympathetic nervous system. This will give you a moment to think more clearly and NOT do something you’ll later regret.
> Practical Tips: When attending summer events, keep a small cooler or cold water bottle with ice in it, if you know the situation could cause increased stress (vulnerability). If you can’t bring something ahead of time, buy a bottle of water with lots of ice. It may also be helpful to identify in advance, the spots that could provide you with a refuge from the heat, like a shady spot or an area indoors.
The Bottom Line: When the heat of the moment rises, you feel like you’re going to lose control, and you can’t afford to make things worse, using the DBT Skill, Tipping the Temperature, can calm you down fast. Using cold temperature will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, allowing you to gain more control.
3. Riding the Waves of Emotions
Painful emotions can feel catastrophic and tempt you to avoid experiencing them. Trying to suppress your emotions will almost certainly make they stay and will definitely increase your suffering.
Picture This: You and your besties planned a get-a-way to the beach months ago and you’re scheduled to leave in a few days. You’re so excited that you start packing. You’re lost in thought, fantasizing about the trip, when you receive a text from one of your friends, letting you know that the reservations somehow fell through and the trip needs to be cancelled. You feel devastated. All the planning. All the excitement… for nothing. Before you know it, your eyes burn with unstoppable tears.
What can you do so that your emotions don’t get worse?
When you allow your emotions to be experienced without trying to stop or distracting yourself from them, you’ll notice that the emotional intensity ebbs and flows, just like waves in the ocean.
Surf the emotional wave.
> Notice your emotion.
> Experience your emotion like a wave, just coming and going.
> Imagine you’re on a surfboard, keeping balance as you ride the waves of your emotions.
> Allow yourself to experience your emotion without trying to avoid or ignore it.
Riding the waves of emotions is an emotion regulation skill that helps you stay present and navigate intense feelings without being consumed by them. Doing this will help you reduce your emotional suffering.
The heat of summer doesn’t have to mean emotional burnout. With awareness, preparation, and effective strategies, you can navigate the summer months with confidence and self-compassion. Remember, it’s not about avoiding emotional heat altogether but learning to cool yourself down and respond with intention.
If you’re ready to build a life that feels balanced and fulfilling, no matter the season, reach out today. DBT can provide you with the tools and support you need to stay regulated and thrive, even in the heat of the moment.
Your DBT Therapist in Philadelphia
In my outpatient DBT program, I specialize in helping people who experience intense emotions, learn how to strengthen their relationships, reduce impulsive reactivity, deal with debilitating anxiety, and tame the emotional chaos. My specialities include Dialectical Behavior Therapy, borderline personality treatment, and anxiety therapy. It’s not too late to cool down this summer with DBT.