Surviving Family Vacations with BPD
Family vacations & BPD: Why DBT Makes an Effective Travel Companion
Family vacations can feel like a mix of excitement and dread. On one hand, they offer a chance to bond and create cherished memories. On the other, they can amplify emotional triggers, especially for individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Spending extended time with family can bring unresolved tensions, unmet expectations, or feelings of being misunderstood—all of which can leave you feeling emotionally overwhelmed and running on empty.
If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone.
While family vacations can be uniquely challenging for those with BPD, they can also provide an opportunity for growth and connection. Using effective strategies, you can navigate these trips without losing your sense of self, or your sh*t.
Why Family Vacations Can Be Emotionally Challenging When You Have BPD.
Traveling with family often involves dynamics that can feel intense or overwhelming for individuals with BPD. Here’s why:
Proximity and Pressure:
Being in close quarters with family members for an extended period can intensify feelings of tension or conflict.
Unspoken Expectations:
Family members may have different ideas about how the trip should go, leading to feelings of disappointment or inadequacy.
Reliving Old Patterns:
Vacations can bring up unresolved family dynamics, making it hard to stay grounded in the present.
Fear of Rejection:
Worries about being excluded or not meeting others’ expectations can amplify feelings of rejection or abandonment.
How DBT Can Help
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a comprehensive approach to understanding and managing emotions, behavior, and relationships IRL—like family vacations. When you’re in DBT, you’re equipped with a set of skills that can help you handle real world problems. Specifically, DBT Skills Training will help you learn an array of skills.
DBT Skills Training consists of the four modules below.
DBT Mindfulness:
Simply put, mindfulness is an awareness of the present moment. When on a road trip with the fam, mindfulness can help you by staying present and focusing on what’s happening in the moment instead of being consumed by worries about what others might be thinking or how the trip should go.
DBT Emotion Regulation:
Emotion regulation entails being able to change an emotional experience after it’s started and reducing your vulnerability to experiencing negative emotions in the first place. In other words, being able to understand our emotions, what causes them and how to reduce our vulnerability to experiencing negative emotions are essential skills to have. This can be particularly true when spending extended time with family members who tend to get under your skin…
DBT Distress Tolerance:
The bottom line- Distress tolerance skills are essential when emotions are high and we don’t want to make things worse or destroy the relationships with people we love. When tensions arise, distress tolerance skills can help you not impulsively act on your emotions, even when sh*t’s about to hit the fan.
DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness:
Interpersonal effectiveness skills target getting your objectives met, maintaining relationships, and preserving your self-respect. This set of skills is huge, especially when trying to navigate relationships and communication while under stressful situations (like, say, getting through the airport, perhaps).
DBT Skills for Vacationing with Family
Below, you’ll see how DBT Skills can be applied to real-life scenarios. I’ve also noted which DBT Skills might be useful.
Using DBT Skills Before the Trip:
Set Realistic Expectations:
Acknowledge that no vacation is perfect, and emotional moments are normal. For example, if you know your sibling tends to dominate conversations, remind yourself that their behavior doesn’t reflect on you (Checking the Facts). Plan grounding activities, like stepping outside for fresh air afterward, to help you reset (Distress Tolerance skills or Coping Ahead to name a few).
Communicate What You Want:
Use interpersonal effectiveness skills to share your needs with family members. For example, if you need alone time, express that in a clear and respectful way, perhaps using the DBT Skill of DEARMAN.
Using DBT Skills During the Trip:
Practice Mindfulness: Focus on the small, positive moments—the laughter at dinner, the beauty of a sunset, or a kind word from a loved one. Staying present can help you avoid getting caught up in negative thought spirals.
Seek Balance: Find time for yourself amidst group activities. For instance, you might take a morning walk alone to gather your thoughts or schedule 30 minutes to journal about your feelings before joining family events. These small acts of self-care can help you feel more centered. These are also examples of Walking the Middle Path.
Using DBT Skills After the Trip:
Reflect on Your Experience: What worked well? What didn’t? Use this reflection to identify areas of growth and celebrate your successes. In other words, how were you effective?
Focus on Growth: Even if the trip wasn’t perfect (which it certainly won’t be), recognize the effort you put into managing your emotions and maintaining relationships. Self-soothing and radical acceptance could be beneficial here.
Turning Challenges Into Opportunities for Connection
As dialectics remind us, there is always more than one way to view a situation.
While family vacations can feel overwhelming, they’re also an opportunity to strengthen bonds and practice new ways of relating to loved ones. By approaching the trip using DBT Skills, you can navigate conflicts more effectively and deepen your relationships in meaningful ways.
Philadelphia DBT
Family vacations don’t have to mean losing yourself in the chaos of expectations, conflicts, and emotions. Through DBT, you can approach these trips more effectively and more balanced.
Looking for personalized support to improve your life beyond family vacations? As a Philadelphia DBT therapist, I help people solve their problems without resorting to impulsive, self-sabotaging behavior. When clients work with me, they strengthen their relationships and find relief from emotional suffering.
DBT Therapy in Philadelphia
My DBT therapy practice provides free consultations for individuals seeking support with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) treatment and anxiety therapy. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck in emotional distress, or unsure where to turn, know that help is available. DBT can provide the skills and strategies you need to regain control, build emotional resilience, and create a life that feels more manageable.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Take the first step toward healing—reach out today.
