Cultivating Self-Compassion with DBT
Planting the Seeds for Emotional Growth using DBT
Learn how Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help you embrace self-compassion and build emotional resilience.
Spring is a season of renewal, growth, and possibility. As the days get longer and the flowers begin to bloom, it’s the perfect time to turn your focus inward and nurture your own emotional well-being. For individuals living with borderline personality disorder (BPD), this can feel especially challenging. It can also be deeply rewarding.
One of the most powerful ways for fostering emotional growth is self-compassion. DBT can help you cultivate self-compassion, creating a stronger foundation for emotional resilience and healthier relationships. Think of it as planting the seeds for a more compassionate and balanced inner world.
Building self-compassion and fostering emotional growth with DBT
Building self-compassion takes time. Through DBT, you can create a more supportive and understanding relationship with yourself. DBT therapy offers practical skills that you can learn to help you challenge self-criticism, accept your emotions, and nurture emotional growth. Here’s how you can start:
1. Observing and describing our thoughts.
Our minds are constantly thinking. I mean, that’s what our brains do. Being able to observe your “head trash” is so important. In fact, one of the core mindfulness skills I teach in DBT Skills Training is learning how to simply observe.
Why is observing our thoughts so important? Well, because we first need to be aware before we can actually do anything about them, right?
Once we become more aware of our thinking, our next task is to describe, or put words on our experience. Mindfully describing thoughts, means noting what kind of thoughts we’re experiencing. Like, are you having worried thoughts, distracting thoughts, thoughts about sensations in your body, or perhaps self-critical thoughts? The trick is to describe them nonjudgmentally.
For instance, when you are able to observe and describe your thoughts, instead of getting caught up in self-criticism, practice labeling it: “I’m noticing a critical thought about myself right now.” Or even more specifically, “I’m having a thought that I’m a failure.”
Seriously, being able to observe and describe our experience can create space for self-compassion to take root.
2. Using the DBT Skill of Checking the Facts
Self-criticism can feel like second nature for many people with BPD. You may find yourself judging your emotions, actions, or even your worth.
After you observe and label your thoughts, you can then evaluate if those thoughts are, in fact, based in reality. Using the example above, let’s say I noticed that I had the thought, “I am such a failure.” Ok, let’s check the facts. What are the facts? Remember, we need to describe things nonjudgmentally. What is the evidence that I am, in fact, a failure?
Maybe I didn’t finish all of my tasks that I wanted to complete today. Maybe I didn’t earn the amount of money I thought I would. Maybe I didn’t get the grade on the exam that I hoped for. Do any of those things make me a failure? Perhaps I failed to accomplish something, although does that make me a failure? No, it doesn’t.
Additionally, you may need to consider whether you’re holding yourself to an unrealistic standard and if you’d speak to a friend that way you speak to yourself.
Being able to call ourselves by checking the facts can be huge in shifting how we feel. This process can help you reduce emotional pain, and create space for a more balanced perspective on yourself.
By gently challenging self-criticism, you can begin to replace it with more compassionate and constructive thoughts.
3. Practicing Radical Acceptance of Your Emotions
Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring difficult emotions or pretending they don’t exist. Sometimes, a shitty situation, is truly a shitty situation. Sometimes even when you check the facts, things still are truly shitty and that is ok.
Sometimes when shitty stuff happens, and we’re experiencing difficult, painful emotions, we need to learn how to accept our reality, even if it is really painful. This is where the DBT skill of Radical Acceptance comes into play.
What is radical acceptance?
In a nutshell, radical acceptance is when we fully accept reality. It means we stop fighting and rejecting reality because reality isn’t the way we want it to be.
Accepting your emotions doesn’t mean you have to like them or stay stuck in them. Instead, it allows you to move through them with greater ease, creating room for growth and healing.
4. Using Self-Soothing to Nurture Emotional Growth
Just as plants need water and sunlight to grow, your emotional well-being requires care and nurturing. As part of DBT’s distress tolerance skills, being able to self-soothe is super important. Self-soothing can provide practical ways to give yourself that care during difficult moments.
DBT teaches us to self-soothe using our senses. Engage your senses with comforting activities that help you feel grounded and cared for:
Sight: Look at something beautiful, like spring flowers or a favorite piece of art.
Sound: Listen to calming music or the sounds of nature.
Touch: Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket or hold a comforting object.
Smell: Light a scented candle or enjoy the aroma of fresh flowers.
Taste: Savor a favorite tea or snack mindfully.
Self-soothing isn’t about processing emotions in the moment but rather giving yourself the stability needed to get through distress without making things worse.
5. Building Mastery to Strengthen Self-Compassion
Another way to cultivate self-compassion is by focusing on activities that help you feel competent and accomplished. DBT’s Building Mastery Skill, encourages you to do things that will help you elicit feelings of competency and confidence. It’s about doing things each day that are a bit challenging. Not only will this help you feel better about yourself, building mastery can also help you feel more in control.
For example:
Try a new hobby, like gardening, painting, or journaling.
Set a small, achievable goal, such as organizing a part of your home or completing a work task.
Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remind yourself of your capabilities.
Building mastery helps reinforce the belief that you are capable and deserving of self-compassion and growth.
Cultivating Self-Compassion With DBT in Philadelphia
Just like a thriving garden requires patience, care, and the right tools, building self-compassion takes time and intentional effort. Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, you can nurture emotional resilience and create space for growth. If you’re struggling with self-criticism, overwhelming emotions, or feeling stuck, expert DBT therapy can help.
As a Philadelphia DBT therapist, I specialize in helping individuals with BPD and anxiety build healthier relationships with themselves and others. If you’re ready to cultivate self-compassion and develop the skills to create lasting emotional balance, reach out today for a free consultation.
Philadelphia DBT Therapy
Start planting the seeds for emotional growth today.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the gold standard for borderline personality disorder treatment, and is an effective treatment for anxiety. Your emotional well-being deserves to flourish. You can plant the seeds for meaningful emotional growth this spring. Reach out today.